From storms of life to lessons learned- class dismissed.

When I received Christ in my life, I have had many setbacks and difficult situations that I encountered. This is not new for me, for my life consistently displayed struggle and survivals, like probably many of you. Yes, since receiving Christ in my life and being serious in my pursuit, it is different. However, to be honest with you, I was convinced  that as a Christian these difficulties would change… in my case it didn’t.

Growing up, I had a very low self-esteem. I didn’t think that I was worth anything and I would look myself in the eyes through a mirror and be filled with hate and actually say it straight into my own face. At other times I would be filled with wonder why all these horrible things and feelings would be poured out over me. I got convinced that God must really hate me and there were moments I would be in my bedroom waving my arms through the sky, jumping up and down and scream at God why He hated me so much.

As a born again believer, the rough times remained, some by being obedient to the will of God and some due to poor choices that I made. I had to deal with the consequences. Yet God told me early on that I needed to hang in there (“Hold on, hold tight” repeated about 10 times or more), for I made poor choices, but He would bless it. That “Hold on, hold tight”  part is still going on after almost 6 years and in great anticipation I am waiting for that second part to fully come to pass. In the beginning of these years of ‘faith’ I would have moments that I would burst open to God yelling at Him that He really is not there for me at all! As a response a hand would lift up my head and as I was looking at the very dark sky outside, I noticed one star that did not have the size of a star, but much bigger. Not the brightness of a star, but much brighter. Strait away I knew God just put me back into place. And to make sure that I got it, this light was still there during daylight. Every now and then I would have these kinds of moments, until a month or two ago. In a conversation with God He compared my behavior with that of a two year old. I laughed really loud, because He was so right! I was that child on the floor, screaming and kicking for not getting what I wanted.

I have been struggling with God about this ‘storm’ topic for a while now. The bible says that He has placed everything under our feet, but as I was taking this authority, nothing happened. I was confused and maybe even a bit frustrated.  Until I realized, here is something that did happen: Now, when things get to overwhelming, I am ok. My thoughts about God remain calm and the truth is still burning inside me as a bright light. When I look into the mirror I’m able to look myself in the eyes and speak the God given truth and words of life to me. So what happened? What changed? Last week God showed me the moment Peter asked Jesus to tell him to walk towards Him over water (Matthew 14:27-33). Jesus did not say: “Wait Peter, let me first take away the storm. Let me make the wind and the sea calm and everything comfortable before you step out in faith and try to do something new”. No, Jesus already had put Peter in a couple of storms to prepare him for this next step of faith. All He said was “Come”. When later on Peter started to lose grip on his focus and started to feel the strong wind, doubt entered in and faith got paralyzed and sank. After this whole thing was over and Jesus stepped on the boat with Peter, the wind and the waves stopped instantly. Lessons learned- class dismissed .

From liquid cement to solid concrete

I’m getting more and more convinced that sometimes God is sending us in storms of life, so that first we get control over our own responses in these storms. Faith is a growing word, it takes one step at the time building a solid foundation and with the experiences that over time will develop faith into this cement to build Gods Kingdom as solid concrete. Three basic things needs to happen before you have cement: 1) Cement powder. 2) Water. 3) A mill to mix the ingredients into liquid cement. This in turn will transform into concrete to build walls, roads, buildings, and so on.

1. The cement powder I consider the word of God (Just like in Matt. 14:27).
2. The water comes from the Throne room of God, given by the Holy Spirit (Just like in Matt. 14:28).
3.  The cement mill would be the storms of life to mix it into a liquid cement. Then we are ready to step out of the boat and put that cement of faith and make concrete out of it (Just like in Matt. 14:29-32). This is where I believe authority will step in, the concrete itself.

As a conclusion, I would say that the storms of life are tough times. But if we want to grow in our faith and authority, we can’t miss any part of this process. The word of God (Cement powder) and the Holy Spirit with prayer & worship (Water) put inside of us, makes the difficulties mixing it into something to help us build our faith, character and our relationship with God stronger, further and of good use.  And if there are moments when doubt kicks in and faith gets paralyzed and makes you sink, remember that you can always cry out to God “Lord, save me.” Jesus will immediately reach out His hand and take hold of you. This is called Grace, we all need it every now and then.